Again here.

I was unable to sleep today.It had been like that since many months now.I remember how once we both went to a movie on a day when it rained heavily.He had his friend too accomapnying us.All wet,but did not want to cancel the theater plan.I bought some towels to dry us and went to the theater.The rain had stopped by then and we enjoyed the movie.Of late he had started taking me to coffee shops and restaurents outside.He even accomapnied me on my walks, happily talking on his cell phone to some colleagues.

Oh! Youth,so cruelly snatched by the hands of fate.Do I beleive in fate?After reading so much philosophy I still do not have an answer for it.The pain comes throbbing,drub,drub and since many months none are available to share it.That is how it becomes embedded in us I think.

Jayamala.

To Be With Him.

I am continuing my thoughts about him.To be with him was a joy unparalelled.He enjoyed most of what was given for eating.He liked dishes made for him specially taking care.He always used to compliment.As a child he played really cute games.Non stop he threw balls against the walls trying to block the return with his feet.He rode the tricycle non stop with his freind in tow.He shared his toys with friends.No trouble there at all.

As he grew up his intersts in games too multiplied.He played almost all games.Crcket,tennis,baseball,shuttle batminton and even ping pong.Cycling was his pleasure.I remember the time he went with his friends to a place 25 k.ms away.When I went searching after return from my office,he hid behind the door and waited for me to find him.So childlike and audacious.So boylike too.Innocence was his mark.What joy did I hold up.I yearn again to be with him.

A Face To Remember.

His was a face to remember.So handsome and very gentle in speech.He used his speech like feathers.Lightly touching the listner.As he grew up he became more and more handsome.Of late his features had started maturing and from a boy he was becoming manly.Peace was one of the features of his face.It looked so peaceful always.Light reflected out of his eyes and as he smiled you could sense his honesty.He was a hit with women,especially motherly women.Most of them adored him and he was comfortable talking to them.

I used to watch him walking with light steps.He was orderly except for some odinary disorderliness common in youth of his age.He often slept a little late at night and got up after it was morning.That was one habit he could not get over with.He had to wakened for early morning duties.

I just loved him so much because he was so very much himself.I will continue this about him later.

Jayamala.

A Fine Morning.

It was a fine morning today.For once,I had slept well.It gave me energy to finish all my morning chores.I had been to Bangalore for Master's visit and had occasion to inform him of my state of mind.He has no answers to 'death'.None has actually had been my experience.But somewhere I had to know still ,why'Death?

But today I had the energy to get up and go about my work.I have grown too.I will not talk about 'death' anymore.I must keep my emotions a little more private for after all it is my private sorrow.To be open had been my usual way with everyone around.Now it has to change and I must bear this sorrow as my precious aloneness in my life.I move now burdened with it and I seek answers as the weight is too much to bear.But it will never be light.It is the gift of God wrapped in this shining paper of grief,so special.I must always be aware of it,lest it lose its preciousness.

Jayamala.