Perhaps.

'Perhaps 'is the language of options.We use perhaps whenever we encounter decisive failures in our life.Perhaps,I should have advised,perhaps I should have moved out,perhaps I should have shut my mouth.So many instances,so many altercations with ourselves.

At moments where ,I have faced the alternate actions ,and where I did not make the correct choice,I have also been encountering this 'perhaps' quotient in my emotions.Some days when sleep does not come,I have tossed around with the thoughts which arose as intelligent choices were not made,leading to present disasters.

But,mostly I recover as I argue it out.I know I am undergoing changes in behavior.After all,behavior changes are not that difficult to make.One must persevere with the decision to change ,and that is all one has to make.My own reading and knowledge gathering tendency too contribute to a great extent in what I expect from my actions.I am many times afraid to say 'No',as I fear that I am not being charitable and forgiving when others have caused anguish to me.

I have after so many of these,thinking processes have arrived at the conclusion that 'perhaps' is an enduring word,and so too is the human process of change.It is also an enduring action.So do not be upset when you are haunted by the 'perhapses of this world.You will change too and then there will be always one more moment in life to be lost and found.Take heart in this thought.

Jayamala.

A Happy New Year And Afterthoughts.

I am referring to the New Year day episode of molesting two women at Mumbai.I really thought it better not to discuss this topic.But then after reading and watching media reports and T.V. news I feel ,as I am also a woman,let me have my say.

I do not conform to the general comment that women should not venture out to certain types of outings.I really feel only when a woman is used to such outings will she venture out.So here the comment is for having ventured out for a night celebration at clubs etc.Here the women were with escorts,only escorts were manhandled and made effective.This was not expected.I feel that Indian society, meaning here the onlookers were really barbaric and the incident shows, the dirt in the mind of the men who felt bold enough to handle the women.

I hope having said this my advice to such ventures in India ,for women venturing out to any such night time entertainment is that"do so after fully knowing that men are barbaric".

Jayamala.

A Serious Thought.

I am reading now "Krishna",by Osho.This book is by way of questions and answers and sorted as different chapters.In one of the chapters titled 'follow no one but yourself',Osho says that there are no objectivity to life as such.Krishna knows this and is happy in the moment.The minute one realizes that there are no objectivity to life,many set aspirations like,one should do something in this life etc.and the pressure it gives to the psyche vanishes.So one should not feel that one is being useless.The whole of human life is but a waste.The nothingness is what is the beauty of existence.The rest are all man made,asking one to be use full,and get up and walk when one is down and out.But when one is aware of this aspect of existence the desire to be something else and somewhere else vanishes.So also the desire to follow someone else who can say that what one does at this moment is not correct.

I have also come across compulsions in me that makes me think life should be like this.Knowing that life is just being and nothing great is required other than being there consoles one.If greater responsibility for life's actions are with that supreme being then why should one try finishing meaning for happenings.I am at these moments getting a rare bliss and silence that is just very blissful.

Jayamala.