I am silent now.Everything around me in this room is also silent.Only a very slight pleasant breeze sauntering in silently.So also the very soft music played.Even though I have started by telling you,that I am silent,I am playing a very soft music and also having a soft breeze of which I am conscious.
Does that mean I am not silent?Even this typing out of thoughts on being silent might be a noise of the mind.But still I am sure,I am silent.It is because I am aware of the calmness in my mind.The desire to express also is lessened, and because of my trained or rather the subconscious push, to put what I am experiencing in words, is what makes me write this soliloquy on silence.
I am feeling less and less connection with the past.The 'self' seems to grow and mature each moment.In fact I was not so yesterday.I felt angry ,when I observed unequal distribution of produces of the ashram(mangoes),by some people entrusted with the job.Though I am very much aware of the human traits and can analyze them,I am still come to terms with my anger that raises its head,when I observe these by the so called sahaj Margis.
I am also aware of my own short coming,in these matters.One becomes so addicted to perfection ,that it becomes obsessive behavior.I have to work on it.This anger has always been there in me.
With regard to silence ,I am observing that the sense of loss has made me aware of the short comings in this thing called life and I have let go of many things that I had thought precious.Silence is the resultant equilibrium gained by me in all these chattering s done by the mind.But many times the maintenance of the condition ,has to be improved by me.
But when I feel these golden silence in me.I feel happy and the sun's rays,the waving branches of trees and the flight of the eagle over head observed by me accentuates the silence around me.Then I walk with 'Him' who is no more now in my life.The 'precious 'then gives tears to my eyes and I walk on,because' I have to'.
Jayamala.
Blogs That I Follow.
- http://navallanga.blogspot.com
- News Item That touched Me ....There was one article in this month's Reader's Digest about Kamalbhai Parmar who is running a fabricating unit and who runsa school,rather a tution school for the poor students in Ahmedabad.It takes a large heart to start something like this.I do wish I can do something like that too.Atleast be able to teach in such effort .
- Books That I am reading now.....I am reading "Under Orders" by Dick Francis.Just started.Seems to be about issues in racing sport.
- News Items That Touched Me Today----The bicyc;e scores over train and car in a survey conducted for two wheeler travel ina congested metro like New York as the fastest transport..
- Movies That I Liked.....I watched a Malayalam Movie called'Vastu Hara' in Kairali T.V.yesterday.The story touches about losers who migrate abandoning their personal properties during divison of countries and realtes to the creation of East Pakistan called East Bengal dividing Bengalis .Also running underneath the main issue is the personal loss of property which gets rejected by the Mother in the story who is offered the same back by her Husband's relatives.
- Books That Are My Favorites----Somerset Maughm's short stories,Arthur Conan Doyle's 'sherlock Holm mysteries',All of Shakespearian dramas,The Bronte sister's writings,Poems by Mathew Arnold and Tagore's 'gitanjali'.This list is not exahaustive.
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