Iam somehwhat sad with the happenings.I expected this end long back as I have gone through this same end years before and also in another instant also.But why does the heart still feel?
A relationship is entered into when another was going through the wilting pace.I still remember the action initiated as I waited for the other one.So an emptiness has been tried to be filled in by another relationship thinking it will heal one.Actually the pretension was that it was for healing oneself.On some occasions when the other one came back too,the present one was just endured as a matter of courtesy.You know that what mattered really was the first one and this is just medicine for healing.So why does one feel now also when the medicine also wants to go?
The heart is a very strange commodity.I did not allow the emptiness to conquer me as I was actually wanting everything to end.The final conclusion is always that Iam not made for these things.Do not think that Iam pretending to salvage something.No.Definitely 'No', in capital letters.It only stresses that even though Iam aware still I seek in this disillusioned world of relationships, wanting satisfaction,hoping to get what I do not think I have.Note the implication of this thought.I only think I do not have.I can never be assured for Iam made like that.The karmic readings said it is my past influencing the present.I do believe I can never hold even if iam given ,as I will tend to break it with my own versions of faith and compatability and may be possessiveness.
Meditation, temple worship ,reading , philosophy and all the blogging one does will not fill this emptiness.It is a vast hole and I better be aware of this hole which is a hell of a hole in me and avoid further pitfalls.Recover and recover fast is my murmur to my own self the silent witness to this prosecution.
Blogs That I Follow.
- http://navallanga.blogspot.com
- News Item That touched Me ....There was one article in this month's Reader's Digest about Kamalbhai Parmar who is running a fabricating unit and who runsa school,rather a tution school for the poor students in Ahmedabad.It takes a large heart to start something like this.I do wish I can do something like that too.Atleast be able to teach in such effort .
- Books That I am reading now.....I am reading "Under Orders" by Dick Francis.Just started.Seems to be about issues in racing sport.
- News Items That Touched Me Today----The bicyc;e scores over train and car in a survey conducted for two wheeler travel ina congested metro like New York as the fastest transport..
- Movies That I Liked.....I watched a Malayalam Movie called'Vastu Hara' in Kairali T.V.yesterday.The story touches about losers who migrate abandoning their personal properties during divison of countries and realtes to the creation of East Pakistan called East Bengal dividing Bengalis .Also running underneath the main issue is the personal loss of property which gets rejected by the Mother in the story who is offered the same back by her Husband's relatives.
- Books That Are My Favorites----Somerset Maughm's short stories,Arthur Conan Doyle's 'sherlock Holm mysteries',All of Shakespearian dramas,The Bronte sister's writings,Poems by Mathew Arnold and Tagore's 'gitanjali'.This list is not exahaustive.
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